To This Day Project - Shane Koyczan
super gracias my love :)
If you are too certain, you will not hear when the universe speaks to you. If you are too uncertain, you will not trust what you hear. But if you are open yet grounded, then you may learn and grow by the hand of the divine itself, which is none other than Life.The Lazy Yogi (via uni-tea)
We were aged promises of love and half reassembled hearts
our grips too tight on souls yet to breathe, but together we inhaled freedom in realities apart
As the morning wind whispered that loneliness is merely a deception
I swore to myself everything was worth the risk, because you are The Only Exception.
color tv’s portrayed happy families and a lifestyle of porsches
Our dreams pre-chosen tinted by broken homes of divorces
Fate taken place, it was too late for me to make amends
but Oh Lord, I promised you a lifetime and a Mercedes Benz
As Lovers and friends, side by side, following the lights across the midnight sky
It seems We Found Love in a place cursed hopeless, its the way I’m focused on this feeling as your shadow crosses mine.
You’re a vision of ecstasy. Eyes lit, sparkle like Diamonds in a sea full of beauty.
We become one like moonshine, sun rays in the night time.
fingers hold Solar eclipse lining of our life signs.
Swinging between these odd jobs.
living among the stars
downtown in the blue dark
drunk, you tell me singing in some old bar
“Heaven is a place on Earth with you”
I believe it as I do
Next day, you’re in my favorite sundress, undressed, sweet honey perfume.
No Videogames, it’s a matter of truth.
Baby- there’s nobody badder than you.
You are given my everything while the world takes the rest
Tangled in silence, my sky don’t cry or I’ll have nothing left
Passing by as I take a deep breath,
Exhale cold afternoon vapor, I reply we’ll rise like that Skyscraper
So darling, don’t let them tear us apart for this vile paper.
A little while later you bring up your mother and how I hate her. I let you vent on, why cater? How she was right and I was never her favorite.
With cloudy eyes you look into mine, saying you were afraid. I tell you to save it.
Do you understand all the sacrifices that I’m making? You should feel the same.
You were always my medication, my sunlight morphine for the pain.
(Besides you were broken and I was the one that saved you)
As the car radio plays, a weather warning saying It Will Rain
It started to pour, you walked out the door, I reached for your hand and mine was burned by the flame.
I get out and chase after you, screaming your name
What’re you doing? Stop running away! I didn’t mean what I said. Please let me explain!
Your voice breaking,
I can’t trust what you say! You’re a fucking loser and a liar playing games!
(I don’t even know if I’m in love with you anymore)
I close my eyes for a moment struck by the pain
My knees weak, strong words from your lips that Set Fire to the Rain.
It seemed like our anger got the best of us in slow motion frames
On the wet road your feet slipped, tripping over your own words, hands skid like my heart beat on the street ripped
You screamed “Shit, fuck this!”
Bursting into an inferno of tears
Physical agony and internalized fears
I came and sat by your side
I started to cry
“My love, I know what you’re saying are lies”
I took your hand and held it in mine
Kissing every inch in a consecutive line
Up to your arm, your neck, your lips
And looked deep in your eyes
“I can see your heart being deceived by your mind
Baby please, all I’m asking from you is to Try.”
Our souls lock caught in a moment
Your lips part but no words were spoken
Only the sound of the rain and a silent agreement
While we walked back to the car I wondered what it would take for you to believe it
As I lay in bed that night, clouds of hot headed thoughts that spun my dreams
Flashes of fish nets cast out into stormy seas
A house boat caught on the verge of tipping,
As I look past the horizon,
the heavens part and demons bearing mirrored crosses flood the skies in
One swoops down, slaps me and drops the crux in front of me
I look at my reflection that warps into eternity
The compressions of my days
Revealing the roots of my ways
A black widow crawls from the vision of my heart center. Beautiful, ineffable.
I am allured, attracted, affixed, metaphorically attached.
The arachnid thrown, my hand bitten into the seas.
My clothes burn from its venom
Nude as bundles of money fill my arms
I try to give you my efforts,
Isn’t this what we wanted all along?
The stacks held together by bands, written in cursive the word ‘dreams’,
But you turn your cheek and tell me that it makes you feel worthless, what the fuck do you mean?
I put my head down for my feelings to console
but when i look up we’re headed for a split racing down the road
I turn the car right, but you pull the wheel left
Spinning out of control, at a loss of breath
I step on the breaks, for a moment questioning the fear of death
Now stuck in the middle of two paths, you open the door
I reach for your hand- deja vu but this time I grab it
The harder I gripped, the more I saw a hole grow in my chest
I was inclined to confess
“I can’t live without you. I want you to Stay!”
Your image shattered like glass solely leaving a fleeting hand in mine that scattered into the wind.
My reality becomes a dark abyss and I fall from a burning building
Past the apprehension of death but the natural fear of Plummeting
I crash, a cold sweat, broke up from a fever dream
Blurry eyed, I reach over to secure my queen
Check twice in disbelief, and on the third, touch upon a letter
I open the envelope, your ring drops telling me “Forget her!”
Spastic, frantic, you disappeared like magic, thoughts flashing, boots and leather
Written in your penmanship
“I can’t do this, I’m sorry. Don’t look for me and please don’t miss me.”
My reality crumbled, concluded that my only solution was whiskey
Living in this world of sinners,
gone was my girl that didn’t carry the fight
Mad and drunk out of my mind, I punched out the bartender’s lights. You were my warrior queen that ran off to Marry The Night.
The next morning I woke up behind a dumpster, the pain exponential
Insecurity, embarrassment, self-loathing, suicidal potential
I felt like I lost all meaning in my existence but I kept searching for you on empty persistence.
I kept seeing you in the crowds, I once turned a woman around and exclaimed aloud “Where Have You Been?”
Pepper sprayed in the face, my left eye hasn’t been the same ever since.
All my life I thought you were it.
At the time, I just wanted you back home you beautiful bitch.
But soon after, an old friend informed me, hearing about your business in the street.
A sour taste from my burnt lungs unsettled in defeat
Tears of wasted water, I deeply pondered, do humans need to love?
It seemed the worst things in life really did come free to us.
I sit at a diner drinking coffee black, an afternoon daydream
Sick thoughts of you, entertaining old men like the A Team
I remember when we were 18,
you went down on me in the theatre, a matinée scene
You told me you loved me,
sealed it with a kiss when we recited our vows
It’s funny what we made, isn’t it?
Look who’s the liar now…
I hope you’re happy, I didn’t forget how you called me Mr. Duplicity
It’s not fair what you did to me, I wish I knew how quickly you would be leaving me.
I curse you every night for this cross that I bear, you spat on my face, was it enough phlegm?
Sometimes I cry out of anger and frustration
Are you thinking of me when you fuck them?!
You Oughta Know, I wanted you to have our child, I thought you’d make an excellent mother.
But now you’re dead to me, I wouldn’t care if you were found in the gutter
I wasted that whole year ignited in a blue fear
streaming uninvited true tears
Then one day, I was reminded how to see clear.
I wrote for you, I wrote for me
I wrote to see, created a rope to climb this tree
Engraved with our initials, I made it official
I was still alive so what was the issue?
Time flies, another bittersweet truth
but I decided in time I would find Someone Like You
Bound by our glory days, as we wander through this summer haze
we were born and raised to traverse this self-created maze.
Although, sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes it hurts instead
I begged to see the light, and it shined, pouring sight into my head.
Now we’re both 25, 2 years since I let you go
I see you at a bar in Nebraska singing rock ‘n roll
A guitar on your lap as I watch from a couch all the way in the back
Admiring the unison of the rhythm of your wrist
with each and every word, a drop of heaven from your lips.
After your set, I initiate “it’s been a long time miss”
Not surprised, you saw me with your lovely eyes and answer “Since?”
“Since You and I shared a kiss”
I lean in close and on my cheek you leave your print
I tell you that I drive a truck cross country, we talk about shallow shit over whiskey, our favorite drink.
When the glass was done, I took a pause and looked in your eye, asked “What’s Up?”
You replied, vaguely “What do you think you punk?”
“I don’t know that’s why I’m asking.”
You answer, “I don’t perform on stages for time passing. I love singing. Music is my passion.”
I conveyed the feeling was mutual.
“Life is fickle but art is ever lasting.
We’re all waiting for a revolution.”
You raise your eyebrow “Oh really? and smirk in pure amusement
“I guess we changed a lot in the past 3 years huh?”
In everything I believe I reply
“Yeah that’s right hun.
I would’ve punched someone out if they said we weren’t forever.”
Your hand on my thigh, you stare into my eyes,
“Darling, I kept the real letter
(I kept you in my mind)
Remember when we were such fools and so convinced that we were so cool? We thought we had it together!”
“Yeah Who Knew, but I learned I was blind by my pride, now I count my blessings and cherish that time will get better.”
I order 2 more drinks, and take you by the hand
(Right now, I don’t care if you have a man)
I tell you we should leave, and you tell me that we can
The sun gone down, we step outside
I guide you to my truck, turn on the radio to set the vibe
I twirl you around and slide my hand gently to place it down your side
I say softly, “Baby, you cast a spell on me” close into your ear
You hold me tighter, I guess we’re still crazy after all these years.
The wind blowing a familiar song, tenderly carressing the trees
The stars shining above us, nature in harmony, the reflection of leaves
You say “Time is only slipping away. At least for a little bit, I want you to stay.”
The universe warmly moving our sway. Something about us, it still feels the same.
You put your head on my shoulder and whisper
(I’m Glad You Came).
“Love is all we need to live. give me a Amen!” <—Masha. vocals w/ a message. @thenameismasha